Time Bomb

I will apologize ahead of time that for the next few days and weeks, this blog will likely be very baby heavy. With my due date 8 days (!!!) away and a lot of progress made this week, it really is all consuming. I feel like a walking time bomb that can pop at any moment!

Last night, I woke up at 3 am and could not fall black asleep I tossed and turned until about 5:30, but by 6:30 am, I had already eaten breakfast and cleaned my kitchen. I was an exhausted wreck and called out of work. I love my job and give it my all everyday, but I am at the point that I am not pushing myself to exhaustion, which is what I would typically do. I've got a lot of work coming up ahead of me and want to be as mentally and physically ready as possible.

I spoke to my doula about my insomnia and she recommended to drink some tea and journal about my feelings to possibly help alleviate some anxiety which, in turn, will let me sleep. I don't journal, so here I am, drinking red raspberry leaf tea and blogging. Bear with me, it's about to get random.

If you know me, I'm very open that I am not very good with unknown and I am a bit of a control freak.  I have always feared giving birth, but as it approaches, my feelings are beginning to change, which has really surprised me.

A friend of mine shared positive birth affirmations and this quote really resonated with me:

“Giving birth should be your greatest achievement not your greatest fear.” ~ Jane Weideman

I don't think there is anything more true than this. I know labor will be hard and it will hurt, but I have the best health care, doulas, and husband there to support me and help me through it. In the end, we will have a beautiful daughter. I cannot think of anything better.

I also think about how this will effect mine and Paul's relationship. Paul and I have been together coming up on 14 years in May. We will be married six years in June. We have a great life together, an amazing marriage, and great support around us. We are ready to be parents and I am so beyond excited to see how our relationship transforms with this new little person in it. Will it be all great? No, I am aware  there will be challenges, but I know this is most important thing we will ever do together.

While I am going into this super positive, I still have reservations about some things. And here, my friends, is my frivolous, and not so frivolous list of concerns:

Should I continue working?
If I don't work, will I like staying at home?
Can we afford for me to stay at home?
Will I feel lonely?
Tearing...enough said.
Lack of sleep.
Will my body ever be the same?
What if we don't like having a baby?

I know that once our girl is here, most of these questions will answer themselves, but I still do have fears. Through it all, I am excited to become a mother, to see Paul become a dad, and to hold our baby girl.

I would love to hear some of your input for those of you that have been there. Did you share any of my same fears or excitement?